What Drives me to Train Everyday?

IN THE BEGINNING...

I left school when I was 16 years old to study Exercise Science at the Wellington Institute of Technology in New Zealand. I enjoyed and excelled at P.E in school (picking up a couple of excellence awards) and always loved to play sports, so I thought why waste another year learning calculus and geography when I could just be learning about what I was passionate about? So I gained the necessary academic credits, and I started studying full time.

What drove me to choose this field? And why was I interested in learning how to train and lift weights properly? Why am I still lifting and training everyday now, and constantly learning new things about the body and training?

For me, it started out as a basic want to be more athletic for myself. I wanted to get bigger (I was always as skinny as a rake growing up) and stronger, and I wanted to help others achieve the same things, and more. But why did I want these things? Why did I find getting bigger important to me, and why was I intent on helping others?

Growing up in New Zealand, rugby is the major sporting code in winter, and almost every boy will play it at some point in their lives. I always looked up to players in the All Blacks side (New Zealand's national rugby team), as most young men do, as role models. For me, being a super skinny kid and teenager, looking at these athletes was inspiring. I wanted to be like them. I wanted the physique, the strength, the confidence and the respect that came along with those things. I was never good enough as a rugby player to become an All Black, but I could at least become as athletic as them!

Quietly, I always felt insecure about my frame. I was always comparing myself to other men, and striving to become more and more athletic everyday. It's funny how it goes; as you start putting on muscle weight, your t-shirt sizes seem to get smaller...

That is what was driving me to lift weights. I wanted to be respected and accepted and able to continue being involved in sports in more ways than just competing. Training was my answer! Even better, by studying in the field, I was able to apply my knowledge to people who shared similar feelings and wants for their bodies and minds. I was in the right place.

TIMES CHANGE

Once I'd become satisfied and content with my body and it's abilities, my mindset changed. I no longer desired to continue simply getting bigger and my thought process was now geared towards athleticism and sport specific performance. What was initially a drive to be seen as athletic and be respected by my pears, was now a drive to challenge myself in my career and see how far I could go in this field I'd chosen. My why changed.

Things happen in life that mould who you are going to be, what type of person you will become. After a move to Australia and back to New Zealand again (and eventually back to Australia again), I wanted to push myself more and more in my career and take all of my new found knowledge and experience to greater heights. So, I started gaining work experience and internships at elite sporting organisations working with some of the best athletes New Zealand had to offer. Why was I so driven to do this all of a sudden? What was pushing me to test my knowledge so greatly and to train differently to how I was before?

My why this time was a complex one. Throughout my life, I have developed a wide range of skills in many different areas. Training, sport, music and art to name a few. But there was always one thing missing; I always became complacent and stopped continuing to strive for greater heights at these things. Why? Was it because they were just hobbies for me and I didn't care to become great at any of them? Some of them, perhaps. But for me, it was more of a fear of failure holding me back. It was a fear of if I tried at something and failed, or made a mistake, I would be looked upon as stupid, or useless, or uncoordinated. Why would I risk that? So, once I got passed the beginner stages of these things where you were allowed to make errors and mess things up, I stopped giving it my all so I could use the excuse of "oh, I just wasn't trying" or " I just don't take it seriously enough, so I don't care".

Once I realised this, I challenged myself. Could I get to the top of the elite sport industry with my attitude, drive, and determination without fear of making mistakes and feeling inadequate? My goal is to work full time as a Strength and Conditioning coach in any given sport, and I'm so close I can almost taste it now. I've decided not to let these fears get in my way like I have in the past.

As a result of these realisations and acceptances, my training went in a totally different direction. I became obsessed with movement, how the body works and how to make it more athletic in a sport specific sense and applied these things to myself. I wanted to train elite athletes, so I trained like one myself. My why became being accepted, respected and a role model to athletes to train a specific way and get the most out of their bodies for their chosen sport. If I was to make it to the top, I wanted to be able to keep up with and be looked up to by these athletes, so that was my driving force to keep training and learning.

TIMES CHANGE AGAIN...

Getting bigger, more athletic, achieve something great on my own steam and become a role model. These have been my driving forces for the last 10 years. But man, nothing could have prepared me for what happened next, and my why changed again...

Enter Conrad Xavier Kahui, born on the 11th September 2017 around 4pm. My son. To say my world was turned upside down is an understatement! All of a sudden, I have this tiny human who knows nothing and understands nothing about the world yet, who is going to look up to me, ask me for guidance and advice, and will need a leader in his life to help him become the best person he can be. Challenge accepted!

My why is now centred around my feelings towards being a father. Why do I continue to lift weights everyday now, when I've achieved all my goals that I desired from lifting weights and training? I do it because I want Conrad to have a positive role model in his life that will lead him down the path of good health and fitness. I train everyday because I want to be able to keep up with him as he grows and wants to play cricket in the backyard and run around with the dog at the beach, and I want him to see me as someone who he can rely on to do these things with and I want to be able to do these things without aches and pains that come with inactivity and a sedentary lifestyle.

My why, for the first time in my life, is centred around somebody else. And that is driving me harder than anything has before.

THREE FEET FROM GOLD

They say never to give up chasing what you want, because you might've been only "3 feet away from gold" when you did.

My driving forces that exist in my life right now are driving me to keep pursuing certain things, even when they become seemingly impossible or too hard, or not worth the effort. When I feel like that, I think back to what the skinny teenager would've done and if that's who I want to be now. I think about Conrad, and if I want him to be a quitter or someone who doesn't give his best due to the challenges and the fear, or someone who accepts the challenges and works through adversity to get what he wants out of life? So I don't quit. I've wanted to, many times. But I won't.

Training has given me something amazing that no one or nothing else can;

True self belief that you can achieve anything you want to achieve, for the reasons that you want to achieve them.